From bird seed to munitions
This catalog is intended for adults. (16–18 at the absolute youngest.)
For when you just want to go away. Destination not guaranteed. Arrival not guaranteed. Going, however, is likely.
BULK FAVORITEalso sold in lots of 2,000. we do not ask why.
Heavier than necessary. That is the quality, and you can feel it immediately.
IN STOCK (PLENTY)
The birds know. Ask any bird in the vicinity of a purchase.
SELLING FAST** a mood.
A quality anvil. This is widely known and has never required elaboration.
SHIPS BY CRANE
The whitest white known to commerce. Now available to the general public, who asked.
IN STOCK
Gives you shamanic dreams. Previously available in mysterious places. Now also here.
ADULTS ONLY
Speed, immediately. Steering sold separately.
STEERING OUT OF STOCK
Absolutely not a toy. We cannot stress this enough, per Legal, who is standing right here.
PAPERWORK REQUIRED
Add water. Stand back. Keep standing back.
TRAVEL SIZE AVAILABLE
Enquire discreetly. Or loudly. We will hear about it either way.
ENQUIRE
All ACME products function as advertised.*
* Legal asks that "function" retain its broadest available meaning.